My Husband Is Impotent! What Do I Do?

Hi Jon,

I found your website helpful but really I have just one simple question. My husband is impotent and it’s driven me to desperation.

It’s not only that he is not interested in sex but he never wants to talk about his impotence. Having an impotent husband is enough but when he doesn’t want to do anything to help it it’s much worse!

We used to have a lively sex life but it slowed down and then a few times he couldn’t get it up and now I can’t talk about it with him.

To give you further information he is 48 years old, he isn’t fat but has some flab on his chest and belly (which wasn’t there before) and sometimes doesn’t eat the best food.

He doesn’t drink that much or smoke and there are no meds that he regularly takes. He’s become kind of grumpy lately.

I’m only writing to you out of sheer frustration. I’d never usually do this but if nothing changes I’ll probably have to think about making hard decisions.

I’ve heard of pills but I really wouldn’t want my husband taking some drugs. There are surely other ways?

Jane, UK


Hi Jane,

If your husband is impotent I can fully understand your frustration. You do have some common sense because you appear to be aware that low libido and impotence can happen to men.

However, like you appear to suggest in your email, it’s not what happens but it’s what you do about it that counts.

And if your husband doesn’t want to talk that’s not a great start.

So while I’m not a relationship advisor, I’ll start by suggesting you give this a real good try:

You Need To Talk To Your Husband Now

If you’re about to leave your husband because he’s impotent then I advise you have a firm talk with him first. This means that you say what’s on your mind, warts and all.

It’s better to spit out the bad feelings that have been building up as this will clear the air and above all, galvanise him into taking positive action.

Sitting there impotent and feeling sorry for himself won’t get him anywhere. He needs to be kickstarted into action and you’ll need to help him do it.

But First, You Need Some Positive Suggestions For Him

If you go out guns blazing threatening to leave your man because he can’t get hard anymore, it could make him worse.

He could become depressed and angry. This may actually not help at all.

Therefore, I’d advise you to be very firm and factual and also to arm yourself with a list of positive actions. These actions are what he must absolutely do in order to get better and he needs to understand that.

1. Exercise

As your husband’s male hormones could be out of balance due to years of eating processed food, then he’ll need to lose that gut and chest fat.

In fact, chest fat is often a sign of high estrogen levels (a female hormone) and very probably low testosterone. Low testosterone can result in weight gain, a soft body, grumpiness and low libido.

Your man appears to have all of these. Therefore get him out at least 3 times per week working out intensely.

These workouts don’t have to be long and slow. They do need to be hard and fast.

Working out should not be something that your man does a few times. This has to be a permanent habit now.

His andropause has arrived and now he has to stave it off for good. This means sharp workouts need to become part of life.

2. Stimulation

Variety is the spice of life and if your man isn’t getting the right kind of stimulation he’ll need it.

This means that his girl will need to be on top form too.

So make an effort to work out yourself, find a friend who knows how to dress and ask her for tips and get in the best shape you can.

Some men (not all) are put off easily by body fat so if this is your case, get your body toned and lithe, especially the belly and buttocks. Firm buttocks are a real turn on for men.

In addition to this, take care to keep your body hair trim and well maintained and your man will start to pine to jump into bed with you.

Finally, stimulation is about both of you in bed and what you do, so partake in some orgasm edging sessions to get things off the ground.

3. Natural Herbs

Your man will need to kickstart his hormones so along with his exercise he should add a couple of natural herbal products into the mix to accelerate his libido boost.

Get him to take 3 different natural herbs on different days of the week for boosting libido and testosterone and you’re away.

4. Get Rid Of Adult Films

If porn has made its way onto your computer screens, then it could have something to do with your husband’s loss of interest in sex.

A small amount of porn isn’t generally so bad but if he’s been watching it a lot it’s time to quit porn and make the imagination work instead.

You may need to check your internet history or you can just ask him. Either way, know that proof exists (and I’ve had it confirmed to me by a number of men) that porn addiction is very bad for erections.


While I am not the best emotional adviser, I do make up for it by concentrating on what I do know which are what causes impotence and how to reverse it.

Approaching the situation this way could help to really kick start your love life back into action and give your man the boost he needs.

You may also find out that he wasn’t aware that these methods that are relatively simple to put into motion do actually work. This may prove to be an incentive to get himself back into shape.

Good luck in reversing your husband’s impotence. It is possible.