How to Reduce Stress During Sex

Being relaxed during intercourse, isn’t necessarily a skill shared by all. For instance, it could be linked to a lack of experience, low self-esteem, performance anxiety, physical insecurity or generalized stress. So, in any case, how to reduce stress during sex to be able to enjoy it 100%?

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How to Reduce Stress During Sex? – Know your Stress

Stress: The Enemy of Sexuality

Are you anxious and can’t be yourself before or during sexual intercourse? Know that you are not an isolated case, it happens to many of us. When the mind isn’t at 100% and the body shuts down, it’s understandable to struggle to have satisfying sex.

However, it’s possible to deal with whatever is causing the blockage and consequently, getting rid of it. So, for everything related to emotions, more often than not, the solution is to face one’s fears. Indeed, sex is after all, an act of physical abandonment and release. During sexual intercourse, each side gives itself to the other. Thus, it makes sense that the problem needs to be treated at the root – in order to be able to thrive in life AND sexually.

Moreover, you should know that chronic stress or extreme stress can break havoc in our bodies. Actually, after a prolonged period of stress, our bodies secrete an hormone, cortisol. However, high levels of cortisol can be incredibly damaging. Cortisol can weaken the immune system, trigger auto-immune diseases and worsen mental diseases.

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Types of Sexual Blockages

There are two main sexual blockages:

Inhibition: This sexual blockage is common in sexually inexperienced people. For instance, in shy people or introverts who sometimes struggle to deal with their emotions. Generally, the reasons leading to inhibition are fear of rejection or of being judged. Also, people who have been physically abused are susceptible to have this blockage during sex.

Performance Anxiety: This crippling anxiety is incredibly common and is often, the result of what is seen in the media. Especially, the image of sex shown in pornography. However, this representation of sex devoid of any sensuality and often, of respect, is NOT a representation of real sex.

In addition, many sufferers of performance anxiety are often scared of not being able to have good enough erections or of not being able to make their partners climax. (1)

So, anxious people are focused on performance and their fear of not being able to perform satisfyingly. Whereas inhibited people a scared of their emotions and avoid spontaneity.

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How to Reduce Stress During Sex? – Effects of Stress on Sexual Life

Erectile Dysfunction

Multiple studies have shown that ¼ of anxious men suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED). Indeed, the issue is incredibly common and stress is usually the culprit!

So, if you suffer from ED and anxiety, it’s very likely that the latter is causing your erectile dysfunction. However, to deal with the anxiety, I highly recommend consulting a sexologist or a therapist.

Loss of Libido

Periods of stress will usually destroy libido. Indeed, when the brain is overloaded, it’s normal to lose any sexual desire. Moreover, a sudden anxiety or a strong stress can have the same results. However, should it last too long, it will be necessary to take the appropriate measures to treat it. If it’s temporary, don’t worry, it’s normal.

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How to Reduce Stress During Sex? – Practical Tips

Now, you know that anxiety can be dealt with. Moreover, a study has demonstrated that erectile dysfunction caused by stress and anxiety can be dealt with psychology far more successfully than medicine. (2)

The following tips will help you reduce and eventually, conquer stress during sex. In order to have a fun sexual life without any second thoughts.

Disconnect & Let Go

Before treating your body, treat your brain. Indeed, the brain is the first sexual organ and if it’s saturated with anxiety or negative thoughts, it can’t even begin to process sexual pleasure. And, in some cases, you won’t be able to get a hard on.

Thus, to reduce stress, you will need to learn to disconnect and free your emotions and sexual impulses.

Be tolerant and rationalize the useless pressure you put on yourself. Also, accept desire and tenderness. In other words, be open to real intimacy.

Listen to your Body & your Desires

After letting go, you will be able to listen to your body and desires with hightened senses. Thus, let your instinctive and animal side rule, while leaving 1/10th of your brain on (to communicate and be respectful).

If your partner isn’t happy about what you are doing, stop and do something you both enjoy. Also, if you want to try something new, don’t be afraid to ask if she’s up for it beforehand.

Communicate

Also, if your partner does something you don’t enjoy, let her know. Communication is essential to really satisfy both persons involved during sexual intercourse.

In addition, if you are to stressed, talk about it. Share anxiety, especially, if it’s linked to something specific. For instance, the mere fact of talking about a fear can relieve or even dissipate anxiety.

Be Creative & Have Fun!

In order to relax the mood, sometimes a touch of originality and humour are what’s needed. For example, if you are up for it, you can role play or try some sexual gadgets. Also, you can have a fit of laughter over something silly, admit your craziest fantasies, etc.

If you need more ideas, check the corners of Internet – there are many ways to spice up your sexual life!

Tame your Body & Mind

In conclusion, and this is one of the most important things, it’s crucial to take care of stress long term. To do so, you will need to take care of yourself inside out.

Start taming your body and mind with hobbies that you enjoy. Moreover, you can try yoga, meditation, acting, massage, sophrology, high-intensity exercise, painting or learning a musical instrument – anything that takes your fancy and helps you deal with stress healthily.

No matter what, do things that work for you and that truly make you feel good!


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(1) The role of performance anxiety in the development and maintenance of sexual dysfunction in men and women. McCabe. International Journal of Stress Management. 2005.
(2) Stress management and erectile dysfunction: a pilot comparative study. Kalaitzidou I, Venetikou MS, Konstadinidis K, Artemiadis AK, Chrousos G, Darviri C. Andrologia. 2014.

Vincent Lee